I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Randomize
