you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
