70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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