I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
