it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
