You just made me feel so damn special
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
false alarm, still single
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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