Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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