I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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