His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
