marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
