my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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