I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
