Heybabeimwearingurpanties
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize