You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize