Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
