I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We named our party play list daddy issues
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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