It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
