Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
