i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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