Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
