he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
