I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
