My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
