i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
