Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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