when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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