I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
