No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
