she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
