Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
