I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
