so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
