whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
