I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
