I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
