I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We smell like vodka and hangover
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