just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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