saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Banned from zoo.
Again?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
