reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
