we're chasing vodka with high fives
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
