I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
