i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
there was a trapeze. enough said
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
