soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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