please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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