I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
