You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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