right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
