HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize