I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
