My nipple is on Facebook.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
