Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize