Me. At least after what I've been through.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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