I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
