Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
