sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
