Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
