I think my vagina is haunted
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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