Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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