where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
