I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
