I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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