I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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