DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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