had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
