Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
