I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
