party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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