Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The Olympian is in my bed
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