So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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