the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
