the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
