you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
