I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
