A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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