Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and she was petting her beer can
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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